Archive for the ‘General Conflict’ Category

The Fixer

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009

I had a random thought the other day, and tweeted it.

“A whole industry can be created out of fixing other people’s mistakes.”

The thing got retweets and replies. I was asked if there was a link to check out!

So then, it was perhaps more than a random thought. Perhaps I’d just had a meaningful unrecognizable epiphany! It seemed that I had unknowingly philosophized along with the great thinkers of our time!

After all, don’t I try to fix mistakes made by others? Give them tools to make changes so they don’t make the same mistakes again? Sure I do! Don’t I essentially create my own job? Sure I do!

So I propose a new profession. The fixer. Like our friend in the moving industry, ReloMary, (Mary Lascelles, for those who don’t know! See her  video below!) the fixer connects people. The fixer person finds people who make few mistakes and who quickly fix the ones they do make. The fixer finds people who have endured mistakes from professionals and aren’t prepared to do so again.  Then the fixer puts the two together.

Anyone on board? Give me your thoughts! And connect with me on twitter if you’re not already! @kellykarius is my handle.

Leave a comment, and then view Mary’s video here, before you head off to enjoy the rest of your day! 

Peace and blessings to all the fixers and would be fixers out there!  

Where’s the Freaking Line?

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

It’s rant day on the blog.

I’m driving down the highway, listening to our local FM station, when the Billy Idol song, “Mony Mony” starts playing. Now, if you grew up in the 80’s, you’ll know the obscene chant that fits into the chorus so nicely. It’s why I can’t listen to the song anymore. It still screams in my head, even as I try to make it go away.

So I flip to another station, which shall remain unnamed. And this is what I hear. Okay, not the exact words, because it was a few hours ago, but the quotes are going in anyway, because these are NOT my words.

“Three dead dolphins have been found in the waterway outside Jon Bon Jovi’s home. This is very suspicious. Clearly there is no explanation other than the fact that Jon Bon Jovi is poisoning the dolphins. Perhaps he’s doing it out of some deep seated hatred for sea creatures. Of course this is all speculation.”

Now the guy’s dubious and very definite sounding explanation went on for a bit longer than that, while I drove with my mouth hanging open…

This came after a week filled with wonder about David from Ohio and Penelope Trunk with their ‘he said, she said’ Twitter garbage. David insulted Penelope’s parenting skills and dedication. Penelope squandered David’s online reputation. The radio host must have felt it was okay to say what he did about Jon Bon Jovi…I guess.

Bottom line…where’s the decency, where’s the respect…where  IS the bottom line? How would you feel to have your parenting skills questioned publicly, your online reputation ruined, or to hear that you ‘must be poisoning dolphins’?

Has media, radio, online, television, become a free zone? RESPECT FOR OTHERS stops at the door? Is the line drawn somewhere past what you think it should be?

Here’s the deal as far as I’m concerned.… shock value be damned. If you wouldn’t want it to be said about you then it is best not to say it about others. This isn’t the wild west, and while speech may be free, it can have its costs. Pretty simple really.

Leave me a comment. I love opinions. Even when they’re not the same as mine.

 

Waiting Hell:My Friend’s Perspective

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009

So…my friend read the blog post about waiting. But she doesn’t feel I have it quite right. I left out some parts it seems. Like the fact that we were packed into the waiting room like sardines in a can and had to move our feet everytime someone walked by. And when one lady walked by and apologized, I said…”No problem at all.” To which, my friend said, ” SHUT UP! That was my foot that she stepped on.”

Here’s her point of view. I hope you laugh as much as I did. A lot happened in those few hours. Yes, I’m PollyAnna. I read the book again, and I think she’s great! And though my friend describes herself as a complainer….she’s exaggerating - again.

THE APPOINTMENT 

 “Oh, here it is, Rose Street already” my friend PollyAnna says as she pulls in to the turning lane .

“Wow that did seem quick” I said

We turn right on to Rose Street and I can see the familiar brick building up ahead on the one way street. I have a 10 o’clock appointment with my gastro enterologist. It’s about 10 minutes to the hour, we’ve made good time on our drive to the city. Excellent driving conditions for February in Saskatchewan. As we pull on to the block of the Doctor’s office both sides of the street are crammed with cars. ” I’ll drive around the block again” PollyAnna says. We circle the block two more times with no luck , and decide to pull into the parking lot, I’m in no big rush to get inside as I know from previous experiences that I’ll be waiting for awhile before the doctor calls my name. But already, I’m preparing for my time spent with him. The questions I have written down to ask him are running through my head, I hope he’s in a good mood today, he can be so abrupt at times. He’s a very busy man. He is only in his office on Tuesdays for appointments and he always has alot of people to see. I’m sure one time there were 5 of us with an appointment at the same time. I’m known to exaggerate things, but if I am this time , honestly. it’s only by one person.

I approch the receptionist desk and state my name and time of appointment, she looks down at a paper infront of her and finds my name and then proceeds to look through a big stack of files looking for mine.

” Oh, I have your name here, but I don’t seem to have your file, maybe it’s over there for some reason. Just take a seat for now.”

I can feel my eyes rolling in my head. Why can’t things go smoothly for me when doctors are involved? Last time I was here , she couldn’t find my file and people with appointments 40 minutes later than mine were called ahead of me. And of course there was the time I showed up one year early for my colonoscopy. Not sure who to blame that one on, would like it to not be me. It’s been 25 seconds and already I’m irritated.

I walked towards where my friend was sitting and said” She can’t find my file again” with annoyance evident in my voice. A lady sitting a few chairs down, looked up at us with some curiosity. PollyAnna told me not to wait so long this time to find out if she had located my file. I pondered a few reasons as to why my file was never where it should be and thought perhaps I should suggest  that I could hold on to my file from now on and then it wouldn’t be misplaced. But there’s no sense getting all riled up already, lets just wait and see how things go.

PollyAnna is such a great friend, before long my annoyance has dissipated and we are giggling about something. The great giggling, the type where you know you are supposed to be quiet  and behaving well and that just makes everything that much funnier. My eyes are scanning the packed crowded room and directly across the room from me is a young man glaring right at me. The obvious irritation on his face is so unnerving that I divert my eyes immediately. Is he annoyed at us for giggling and having fun? We’re not being disruptive. Trying our best to laugh quietly, but I have noticed different people looking our way. I glance at him again out of the corner of my eye and decide it’s not us that he’s annoyed at , he’s just staring straight ahead. He must have brought someone to their appointment  and is tired of waiting for them.

After about 40 minutes I return to the receptionists desk

” Hi, just checking to see if you found my file” I ask trying my best to sound cheerful.

“Yep, I got it, you’re good to go” and she gives me a smile and a thumbs up.

Complaining is second nature to me, I do it well and I do it often.

” How can they be so behind so early in the morning” I ask after an hour has passed. “You know, I haven’t even seen him yet, I wonder if he’s even here.”

A lady sitting in front of us looks at me and sweetly says ‘It’s because they double book.”

I roll my eyes ” Yeah , well one time when I was here there were 5 of us with an appoinment at the same time” She got up out of her chair and walked away, oops maybe I was a little to nasty.

A lady next to PollyAnna kept saying ” Oh,this is so unusual, I’ve always have had such luck getting in right away,I  hope it’s not much longer , I need to get back to work.”

“Oh, look, there he is!” I say, sitting up straight and on the edge of my seat in anticipation. He looks a little tired and puffy to me. Did he just wake up I wonder. Or maybe he was at the hospital all night. ” I hope he’s in a good mood” I say to PollyAnna, “He looks a little cranky to me.” I’m a little nervous about some of the things I need to discuss with him today, and I’m hoping to get the most out of my allotted 15 minutes .

The doctor speaks to his receptionist briefly then takes a file off the top of the big stack and comes out from around the desk to the waiting area. I’m quite sure it is not my name he is going to call but I’m alert and waiting just in case. I lean over to my friend and say” Won’t be me, that file is too skinny. ” Sure enough , someone else is called. This same scenario happens a few more times, each time I act so excited to see him , on the edge of my seat , hoping he’ll call my name. We talk about how it’s almost like The Price is Right and how I would love to stand up, throw my arms in the air and whoop a big “Woo Hoo” when my name is called. We laugh about this and throw around several ideas of how the waiting room experience could be so much more enjoyable, games perhaps or entertainment of some kind,  PollyAnna wants a massuese. We’re giddy and I can feel the people around us looking at us  again.

It’s about at this point that suddenly we see an elderly woman stand up and emerge from the coat closet. ” I think I’ll sit in a chair out here, it’ll be more comfortable,” she says.

Pollyanna and I look at each other and giggle, trying so hard to compose ourselves.

” What the hell was that all about, was she really sitting in the closet? Is there even a chair in there?” We are trying very hard to be respectful as the lady takes a chair very near to us and begins a conversation with another lady.

“Oh my God” PollyAnna giggles “Look at that guy back there”

Without even looking I’m giggling already, “Can I look now, or will it be obvious?” I ask.

No, it’s good, look at him.”

I turn my head towards the back of the waiting room and see the same irritated fellow from earlier.He has moved to a different chair.  He is sitting at the edge of his seat , gripping the two chairs directly in front of him with pure annoyance on his face. You can almost see the steam billowing out of his ears.

I immediately look away and start giggling uncontrollably. Oh my, that poor fellow is ready to snap. He needs to relax.

I’m laughing, but only because I can relate to his agitation. An appointment with your specialist can be very trying.

You sometimes wait for many months for your appointment, all the while, medical concerns running through your head, the what if’s and the possibilities creeping in and out of your thoughts. Then the day finally arrives , and you are ready, your list of questions and concerns in hand, and then you wait, and wait and wait somemore, until the most important thing is not getting to speak to your doctor but getting the hell out this crowded waiting room.I was almost at that point now.

We wondered about the reservations of one patient.

The lady Doctor came to the waiting room and called out a name.

A man answered ” That’s me” , but yet he remained seated.

She smiled at him and asked ” Would you like to come with me, please.”

He shook his head ” No.” 

He laughed, she laughed, and a handful of others laughed along as he got up and followed her.

We saw the lady doctor a little while later with a latex glove on her hand, ” Well ,there you go,” I said “That’s why he didn’t want to go with her.”

Everything was funny by now.

By this time the young irritated man had positioned himself in the first chair of the first row of seats. Annoyance eminating from him. I found it so comical.

Look at him, I said to Polly Anna ” As soon as his doctor comes out, he’s gonna grab him and tell “I’M NEXT.”  That poor guy, we should call him over to sit with us, he’d be having more fun” Moments later his doctor came and called his name.

We made small talk with the people around us, slipped out for a smoke, plugged the meter a few times, ran out of change, wondered if we would get a parking ticket, I kept thinking , how much longer can it possibly be.

My doctor came, by this time I was only half paying attention, given up on ever being called, when he said my name. ” Oh ! That’s me!” I started clapping, “Yay!”

I quickly gathered up my purse and followed him to his office. It wasn’t the big Price is Right whoop I would love to give, but the best that an introvert like myself can do.

The doctor gave me a smile and a Good Morning when I got to his office.

Oh good, I thought he’s in a good mood. My silliness has made him happy.

It’s going to be a great appointment.

 

 

 

 

Waiting Well

Sunday, February 8th, 2009

We wait in all kinds of ways, in every kind of place. We wait on hold on the phone. We wait for buses. We wait in lines. We wait at appointments.

 

I took my friend to a doctor’s appointment last week. We waited three hours. Okay. It wasn’t three hours, it was only an hour and a half. But clearly, to many people there, the wait felt interminably long. My friend and I met some new friends.

 

One great fun woman asked if the chair next to us was taken. “No!” I said, “Of course not! We’ve been saving it for you!” Obviously kind, our new friend made some small talk with a lady that didn’t seem very happy that her family had come to visit her. “All my brothers and sisters came to visit me. And the plane was late.”   Said so dryly, with a roll of her eyes and a flip of her hand that it pitched me into a fit of giggles. I’d just recently watched this clip:

 

http://barefootmeg.multiply.com/video/item/56

  

I had to leave for a moment. Collect myself, wait outside

  

“Look at that guy,” I whispered to my friend, “He’s going to explode.” He was sitting on the edge of his seat, leaning over the two chairs in front of him. He did not look happy, and was taking up more than his fair share of space in the room. He moved soon after, to the front of the room. “He’s sitting there because he’s going to grab a doctor as soon as he sees one. Right by the knees.” My friend said. And another round of laughing.

 

I complimented a lady on her glasses, purple and trendy and looking great with her hair, and I complimented another lady on her coat. Long, leather, laced up the back and incredibly classy. I met a carpenter and his wife, who owns a restaurant and works long hours. I noticed how very lovingly he looked at her. Then she left and came back with coffee and a muffin for him. I noticed another woman glaring at his food. Probably someone not allowed to eat that day! I had a conversation about the health care system in Canada and the documentary movie “Sicko.” I handed out a couple of business cards.  I hope those folks will get in touch after they read this!

 

Whenever I wait, I meet people. I talk, I hear stories and absorb them, I laugh, to myself and with others. Waiting doesn’t have to be a waste of time. If you’re reading this, leave me a comment…. and tell me a good waiting story if you’ve got one.

 

Click here to see my friend’s follow up! 

 

Conflict Free Collaboration

Monday, November 10th, 2008

TreeWho are you working with? Who are your best partners? It’s essential to have people in our life who motivate us and move us forward.

It’s smart to find other people to work alongside. One person can’t do it all. Finding the connections that will offer opportunities, and working to keep those opportunities growing is essential to business today.

Seek people whose values and goals are similar to yours. Explore these goals before deciding on collaboration. Ask questions about direction, beliefs and intent in order to determine a good fit between partners or collaborators.

In order to seek people with similar values and goals it is important to spend time examining what those are. They will vary for each individual. We need to know what’s important to us in order to make good decisions about direction and collaboration.

Motivation and Decision Making

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008

clownThe door slammed as Timothy stormed out. “What a kid.” Marta thought dryly to herself. She knew that there were issues with his behavior. She knew she needed to be reigning him in.

She looked towards her husband dropped in front of the tv with a drink. Is this what I need in my life? Does this help me?

The stack of work on her table beckoned her. What about a job change. Maybe that was the answer, or a location change?

She sat down…and nothing changed.

We need to be motivated sometimes to do things both large and small, start an unpleasant conversation, make a dreaded telephone call, change our habits, change our jobs, change our location.

Decision making is the first step to that. When we stay at a place in our minds where we don’t make a decision, whether it’s because of fear of failure, or fear of change, or even fear of success, we limit ourselves.

I am encouraging everyone to make a decision today. Large or small. Make the dreaded phone call, start the worrying conversation, pick up the piece of paperwork that you haven’t dealt with yet.

And have a motivated day.

 

Black Like Me - Howard Griffin

Friday, July 11th, 2008

I’ve just finished re-reading Black Like Me. I read it when I was young but it’s had a very different effect on me this time around. It’s the story of John Howard Griffin, who, in 1959, changed the pigment of his skin and went into the South as a black man.

I believe that so much of the racism and prejudice still remains. In Saskatchewan, we see it primarily towards First Nations people, but the concept is the same in many races and cultures. When we believe a stereotype, we engage in the behaviors that follow. Mr. Griffin talks about the “hate stare”; a concious or concious look of hate thrown at people with different skin colors. He talks about the sets of beliefs that frame people’s perceptions, disallowing them from seeing others as they are.

Most poignantly for me, Mr. Griffin talks about seeing the people who hate, in other contexts; sitting down for dinner with their families, talking to their grandparents. When someone is hating us, for whatever reason, if we can see them as human, then there’s a chance that they might see us as human too.

Heroes small and large overcome racism. A smile, a handshake, finding out the answer to “What’s life like for you?”, without assumptions and regardless of color will help to disintegrate these stereotypes.

Please share your own stories of yourself or people you know making strides, large and small, to know people as they are - rather than as they might be perceived to be.

Have a thoughtful Friday!

 

 

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell??!!

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

A son is telling his mother what a bad new driver his sister is, carrying on about near misses, highway swerves and spin outs on gravel roads. His mother looks at him with terror and replies ‘Kid - don’t tell me about your driving lives, and I won’t ask about your sex lives.”

Questions:
Do we need to know EVERYTHING about our kids lives? Is this statement good parenting or bad parenting.
Does this idea transfer over into business? Does the boss need to know everything about what employees are doing in parts of their lives that don’t apply to business?
Are there parellels between parenting and supervising employees?

Have fun with this!
Kelly

Time For Lunch

Sunday, July 6th, 2008

chess.jpg 

This post is from Reut Schwartz-Hebron’s blog, and is re-posted here with Reut’s kind permission. Reut’s organization, The  KindExcellence Institute promotes and certifies a management system that combined using kindness with meeting business goals to create forward thinking and acting organizations.

This post will get you thinking! Feel free to comment here and/or on Reut’s blog. The links for Reut’s website and blog are found below.

You are 17 busy with your latest hobby upstairs and it’s time for lunch. You hear your mother calling: “darling, it’s time for lunch” I’ll be right there you reply. 

Five minutes later you hear your mom (somewhat agitated voice): “are you coming?”– yeah, mom in a minute… 

Though you are hungry and your mom is a great cook, something about her tone annoys you. You are not as eager to go downstairs to eat anymore… 

Ten minutes later your mom is at the door furious: ” I’ve had it– I work so hard to cook for you and you just don’t care…” 

How do “you” feel now? 

Did we leave these counter responses in adolescence or are they still around at work? 

What can you do to motivate employees (getting to come for lunch) without building the resentment? Is it even possible?

 http://blog.kindexcellence.com/

http://www.kindexcellence.com/

 

 

When is it really conflict?

Thursday, July 3rd, 2008

How do you know when you are in conflict?

In my business practice I speak with many people who identify that they don’t have much (or any) conflict in their lives, yet when we talk further they will identify that they do have what I would define as conflict in their lives. I am making this determination by listening for complaints about home or work, arguments, estrangements, broken relationships, etc.

So my question to you is
1. How do you know if you are in conflict?
2. Do you have unresolved or unacknowledged conflict? What effect does that have on you?
3. What are your beliefs around why conflict is unacknowledged?

I welcome any stories, but please be vague regarding names and details as this may be a place to acknowledge it, but probably isn’t the place to resolve it! I do realize that others will have different definitions of conflict than I do and that impacts whether people feel they have conflict in their lives. For some people, it’s not conflict unless fists are flying!