Karius and Associates Blog

I’m doing the Ask Sharifah radio show on June 25, 2009. And I’m thrilled! Following that, I’m going to be doing an online seminar called “Managing the New Normal”,  which focuses on life after divorce, co-parenting, new relationships and conflict management.

Which brings me to wondering about how people feel about attending teleseminars and teleclasses. I think they are out of the comfort zones of most people. People wonder:

• What happens when I call in?
• When am I supposed to talk?
• How am I going to introduce myself?
• What if they can hear me breathe or my dog starts barking?
• What if I have a question and I don’t want to ask it online?
• What if I’m late?

So here are your answers.

What happens when I call in?
You’ll hear a recording that asks you to enter the number of your call. When you do that, you’ll enter the call and hear a tone. State your name so folks know who has come into the call. The facilitator will great you.

How am I going to introduce myself?
Here’s the deal. You may be asked to step up and talk about who you are. Write it out ahead of time so you don’t have to sweat it. All you need is three or four sentences. Your name, your location, your business, and something else relevent, or even off the wall about you. If you really want people to remember you, go last. If you’re worried about what you’re going to say, go first. Often people who are waiting to introduce themselves aren’t listening properly to the ones that are going first. You will be able to listen better if you’ve pre-written your introduction.

When am I supposed to talk?
The facilitator will let you know. Generally a class or interview done by teleseminar is going to be structured listening followed by the opportunity to ask questions. Depending on the format, you will be asked to give questions verbally, or type them into a chat box on your screen.

What if they can hear me breathe or my dog starts barking?
Most teleseminars have a mute button. If this concerns you, and it’s not brought up in the call, ask the facilitator how to mute your phone. You simply unmute if you choose to talk.

What if I have a question and I don’t want to ask it online?
Grab the information the facilitator is giving you. They’re giving it to you for a reason. Get in touch with them after the call. Having listened to their call, you’ve often got an ‘in’ to ask some questions. If email isn’t available, listen for the social networking cues they’ve given you and connect with them on Twitter or Facebook or LinkedIn.

What if I’m late?
Best practice is to be early. Be the first one on the line and you may have some opportunity to talk one on one to the facilitator. A call often doesn’t fully start until five minutes in, unless all registered attendees are present. Personally, I don’t mind people coming into a call up to five minutes late. After that, you’d better listen to the recording or try for the next live program.

Join me! On the call and in the seminar. I’d be thrilled to have you.
Do you have other questions about calls, interviews or seminars? Post them here, let’s see what we can do with them.

I had a random thought the other day, and tweeted it.

“A whole industry can be created out of fixing other people’s mistakes.”

The thing got retweets and replies. I was asked if there was a link to check out!

So then, it was perhaps more than a random thought. Perhaps I’d just had a meaningful unrecognizable epiphany! It seemed that I had unknowingly philosophized along with the great thinkers of our time!

After all, don’t I try to fix mistakes made by others? Give them tools to make changes so they don’t make the same mistakes again? Sure I do! Don’t I essentially create my own job? Sure I do!

So I propose a new profession. The fixer. Like our friend in the moving industry, ReloMary, (Mary Lascelles, for those who don’t know! See her  video below!) the fixer connects people. The fixer person finds people who make few mistakes and who quickly fix the ones they do make. The fixer finds people who have endured mistakes from professionals and aren’t prepared to do so again.  Then the fixer puts the two together.

Anyone on board? Give me your thoughts! And connect with me on twitter if you’re not already! @kellykarius is my handle.

Leave a comment, and then view Mary’s video here, before you head off to enjoy the rest of your day! 

Peace and blessings to all the fixers and would be fixers out there!  

Who are you working with? Who are your best partners? It’s essential to have people in our life who motivate us and move us forward.

It’s smart to find other people to work alongside. One person can’t do it all. Finding the connections that will offer opportunities, and working to keep those opportunities growing is essential to business today.

Seek people whose values and goals are similar to yours. Explore these goals before deciding on collaboration. Ask questions about direction, beliefs and intent in order to determine a good fit between partners or collaborators.

In order to seek people with similar values and goals it is important to spend time examining what those are. They will vary for each individual. We need to know what’s important to us in order to make good decisions about direction and collaboration.

The door slammed as Timothy stormed out. “What a kid.” Marta thought dryly to herself. She knew that there were issues with his behavior. She knew she needed to be reigning him in.

She looked towards her husband dropped in front of the tv with a drink. Is this what I need in my life? Does this help me?

The stack of work on her table beckoned her. What about a job change. Maybe that was the answer, or a location change?

She sat down…and nothing changed.

We need to be motivated sometimes to do things both large and small, start an unpleasant conversation, make a dreaded telephone call, change our habits, change our jobs, change our location.

Decision making is the first step to that. When we stay at a place in our minds where we don’t make a decision, whether it’s because of fear of failure, or fear of change, or even fear of success, we limit ourselves.

I am encouraging everyone to make a decision today. Large or small. Make the dreaded phone call, start the worrying conversation, pick up the piece of paperwork that you haven’t dealt with yet.

And have a motivated day.

Of course we all have our limits, but how can you possibly
find your boundaries unless you explore as far and as wide
as you possibly can?

I would rather fail in an attempt at something new and uncharted
than safely succeed in a repeat of something I have done.

~ A. E. Hotchner

Thanks Bob, for sending me this quote today. It’s very timely for me as I venture into the uncharted waters of having this group, and the other changes I am facilitating in the business.

Reaching our goals and the way we think seems to be a focus for me this week, and somehow especially today.

I wanted to let you all know about a great book “Mind Over Mood: Changing the Way You Feel by Changing the Way You Think”.

The book is really about managing depression and anxiety, but I’ve found that the ideas apply greatly to just everyday real life. The main tool it teaches is the Thought Record - teaching you to grab the thought and examine it, rather than avoiding it. What’s true about the negative thought you are having? What’s not true? What is a different way to think about the thought?
The following is an excerpt from my book, that gives an example of a thought record and how it works. If anyone wants another example, please let me know. I’m only put one in this posting because it’s going to be kind of long. (Let me clarify in advance that Bob Lenthart is not Bob the Knob - oh sad poor choice of words - in prior parts of the book you learn where his terrible nickname has come from. Sorry Bob!)

Thought Records
What was going through your mind just before you started feeling this way? Mind Over Mood
Doing a thought record is the move from noticing automatic thoughts to examining them for their truth. When you are experiencing uncomfortable emotions, a thought record encourages you to identify automatic thoughts, and to evaluate the truth of these thoughts.
The best explanation for this is to simply do it. We will look at a couple of examples.
Back to “Bob the Knob” as he is so fondly (or jokingly) known around the office. Robert has decided it’s time to take fate into his own hands. He has decided he is going to change his communication style. He has been learning to be more assertive, but finds he is still passive at work. He can’t possibly take on any more work, and has decided to speak to the managing supervisor about his workload. He is feeling very anxious about using the new assertive beliefs and skills that he has acquired. He is beginning to feel like it is best if he just leaves the situation alone, but he knows that if he does, he will be going back to his passive communication style, and will remain unhappy and overworked. He feels anxious about approaching his manager, but unhappy with the idea of the situation staying the same. He decides to do a thought record to clarify his thinking.
Robert’s Thought Record
Situation
Thinking about talking with my manager about my workload
Emotions
Nervous, worried, anxious
Automatic Thoughts
My manager will be angry with me for bringing this up.
I’ll never be able to approach him.
I’m a big loser.
Robert picks the automatic thought that has the most emotional pull for him. He feels strongly that his manager will be angry with him. This thought causes him great emotional anxiety. This is the thought that Robert will choose to focus on for the rest of the thought record.
Information supporting the automatic thought,
“My manager will be angry with me for bringing this up.”
I’ve never approached him like this before and don’t know what to expect. He might be mad.
If I cut down my workload he’ll have to assign the work to someone else. That might cause him to be angry.
Information that does not support the automatic thought,
“My manager will be angry with me for bringing this up.”
I’ve never approached him like this before and don’t know what to expect. He might not be mad.
Others have approached him about their workload and he has not been angry.
I’ve always done a lot of work around here and done it well. My manager has told me before that he values my work.
My manager tends to be understanding of people’s personal situations. If I remind him of our new baby at home, he may understand.
I’ve been learning to be more assertive and I think I will be able to talk about this in a way that is respectful to both of us.
He has shown respect to others who have voiced their concerns.

A more balanced thought
When I approach my manager about my workload, he may react strongly because I’ve never approached him before. He may also not be angry at all. Because he has been respectful and understanding of other employees, I can believe that he will be respectful and understanding of this situation as well. I’ve also learned new speaking skills that will help the situation along.

This can be repeated with the other automatic thoughts if they are also attached to strong emotions. This can also be repeated in many different situations. People often have the same repeated automatic messages. Thought reruns. If thought records are written down, they can be re-used. When the thought rerun happens, the already written thought record can serve as a quick reminder of a more balanced way to think about the situation, or the thought.

(From This is Out of Control!¡ A Practical Guide to Managing Life’s Conflicts by Kelly Karius)