Karius and Associates Blog

I’m doing the Ask Sharifah radio show on June 25, 2009. And I’m thrilled! Following that, I’m going to be doing an online seminar called “Managing the New Normal”,  which focuses on life after divorce, co-parenting, new relationships and conflict management.

Which brings me to wondering about how people feel about attending teleseminars and teleclasses. I think they are out of the comfort zones of most people. People wonder:

• What happens when I call in?
• When am I supposed to talk?
• How am I going to introduce myself?
• What if they can hear me breathe or my dog starts barking?
• What if I have a question and I don’t want to ask it online?
• What if I’m late?

So here are your answers.

What happens when I call in?
You’ll hear a recording that asks you to enter the number of your call. When you do that, you’ll enter the call and hear a tone. State your name so folks know who has come into the call. The facilitator will great you.

How am I going to introduce myself?
Here’s the deal. You may be asked to step up and talk about who you are. Write it out ahead of time so you don’t have to sweat it. All you need is three or four sentences. Your name, your location, your business, and something else relevent, or even off the wall about you. If you really want people to remember you, go last. If you’re worried about what you’re going to say, go first. Often people who are waiting to introduce themselves aren’t listening properly to the ones that are going first. You will be able to listen better if you’ve pre-written your introduction.

When am I supposed to talk?
The facilitator will let you know. Generally a class or interview done by teleseminar is going to be structured listening followed by the opportunity to ask questions. Depending on the format, you will be asked to give questions verbally, or type them into a chat box on your screen.

What if they can hear me breathe or my dog starts barking?
Most teleseminars have a mute button. If this concerns you, and it’s not brought up in the call, ask the facilitator how to mute your phone. You simply unmute if you choose to talk.

What if I have a question and I don’t want to ask it online?
Grab the information the facilitator is giving you. They’re giving it to you for a reason. Get in touch with them after the call. Having listened to their call, you’ve often got an ‘in’ to ask some questions. If email isn’t available, listen for the social networking cues they’ve given you and connect with them on Twitter or Facebook or LinkedIn.

What if I’m late?
Best practice is to be early. Be the first one on the line and you may have some opportunity to talk one on one to the facilitator. A call often doesn’t fully start until five minutes in, unless all registered attendees are present. Personally, I don’t mind people coming into a call up to five minutes late. After that, you’d better listen to the recording or try for the next live program.

Join me! On the call and in the seminar. I’d be thrilled to have you.
Do you have other questions about calls, interviews or seminars? Post them here, let’s see what we can do with them.

I had a random thought the other day, and tweeted it.

“A whole industry can be created out of fixing other people’s mistakes.”

The thing got retweets and replies. I was asked if there was a link to check out!

So then, it was perhaps more than a random thought. Perhaps I’d just had a meaningful unrecognizable epiphany! It seemed that I had unknowingly philosophized along with the great thinkers of our time!

After all, don’t I try to fix mistakes made by others? Give them tools to make changes so they don’t make the same mistakes again? Sure I do! Don’t I essentially create my own job? Sure I do!

So I propose a new profession. The fixer. Like our friend in the moving industry, ReloMary, (Mary Lascelles, for those who don’t know! See her  video below!) the fixer connects people. The fixer person finds people who make few mistakes and who quickly fix the ones they do make. The fixer finds people who have endured mistakes from professionals and aren’t prepared to do so again.  Then the fixer puts the two together.

Anyone on board? Give me your thoughts! And connect with me on twitter if you’re not already! @kellykarius is my handle.

Leave a comment, and then view Mary’s video here, before you head off to enjoy the rest of your day! 

Peace and blessings to all the fixers and would be fixers out there!  

We all want to do it, and we would do it. We’d like to do it. We mean do it. We plan to. We’re gonna. We’ll get around to it and down to it. Just as soon as we’re able.

You know what I mean. Why do we play the procrastination game? What’s behind it? Inside it?  What surrounds it?

“It’ll only take a minute, and I’ll do it later”, is a seed that rattles around in our brains as we try to sleep. It interferes with our time with friends and family. The thoughts grow like a weed in lush dark soil, with roots that choke out the tender sprouts of our good intentions.

The bill that went unpaid, not because the money wasn’t there, just because I didn’t get around to it, and I don’t really like money anyway. The apology that wasn’t made, because it seems a little too hard. The walk that I’ll take tomorrow, because I’m too overwhelmed to make that small change right now…

I believe fear is behind procrastination. Fear of failure, fear of stress, fear of emotions, capital letter FEAR. The monsters in our heads that move to smother the positive intentions of our gonnas. The voices that tell us we can’t, won’t or shouldn’t.

The psychology of  procrastination is fear.

The philosophy of procrastination is more complicated. Sometimes we need it, sometimes we don’t. Fine wines require some procrastination, both in the bottle and with the cork out. Cheese needs time to age. Some ideas need to percolate, and some choices require thought.

Though this may look like procrastination, mindful waiting is only the distant cousin of procrastination. They bear some similarities, but they hold significant differences.

So mindfully wait when you feel the need, and when the time is right make your move. Face any fear that’s left and go to it. The game doesn’t wait forever.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about intuition, energy and higher powers. 

I’m going to tell you a story, it will take some explanation for my non-Saskatchewan friends…we have some fairly unique highway issues in Saskatchewan, as some of my American friends who have been here will attest to! Yesterday I was picking my daughter up from her last day of university.

I’m driving  up to Fort Qu’appelle Valley with a car on my tail. I had my cruise set to control my erratic speeding self, so I know exactly how fast I was going…about 108 K’s….yeah, it’s still speeding, but no one’s perfect. The white car behind me had taken miles and miles to get there, my sleuthing strategies detected that he probably had his cruise control set at 109 K’s….or was one of those erratic speed drivers. Either way, My intuition said I didn’t want to be behind him or I’d want to pass him back as I hit the other side of the valley. (Yeah, I know, it just sounds like i’m a chronic speeder.) I pumped up the speed a couple of miles, but of course he was still behind me as we hit the bottom of the valley and slowed down to 50 to traverse through the beautiful valley village.

Now what non-Saskatchewan folk need to understand is that we are mostly single lane highway across Saskatchewan. Yeah you can take a cruise on the number one to get to some places and pass at your leisure. But in Saskatchewan, strategic driving is a must. So we get to the bottom of the valley…the car still on my tail. As the highway climbs the other side of the valley, there is a graceful curve and climb that provides a double lane area to pass. Slower traffic keep right. Protect yourself with the skinny guard rail. The white car is on my tail as we begin the path up…I imagine that he’s gearing up to pass when I pull into the slower traffic lane. And I know that I don’t want him to pass me. Some deep down instinct says “NO freaking way”. So I hammer on the gas and build up to 120K going up the hill, and approaching the swooping curve I realize that if I had let him pass me, we’d both probably be dead. Or at least badly hurt - crossing these three lanes of traffic is a wide load…a farmer’s award for years of previous hard work and burden for years of hard work to come. A quarter-of-a-million dollar tractor, crosses 1 and a half lanes. In my far right lane, I have plenty of room. There’s no trauma here. But there could have been.

Do you notice these kinds of things? Leave a note…tell your intuition, energy and higher power story…and tell me what you think it’s all about. 

It’s rant day on the blog.

I’m driving down the highway, listening to our local FM station, when the Billy Idol song, “Mony Mony” starts playing. Now, if you grew up in the 80’s, you’ll know the obscene chant that fits into the chorus so nicely. It’s why I can’t listen to the song anymore. It still screams in my head, even as I try to make it go away.

So I flip to another station, which shall remain unnamed. And this is what I hear. Okay, not the exact words, because it was a few hours ago, but the quotes are going in anyway, because these are NOT my words.

“Three dead dolphins have been found in the waterway outside Jon Bon Jovi’s home. This is very suspicious. Clearly there is no explanation other than the fact that Jon Bon Jovi is poisoning the dolphins. Perhaps he’s doing it out of some deep seated hatred for sea creatures. Of course this is all speculation.”

Now the guy’s dubious and very definite sounding explanation went on for a bit longer than that, while I drove with my mouth hanging open…

This came after a week filled with wonder about David from Ohio and Penelope Trunk with their ‘he said, she said’ Twitter garbage. David insulted Penelope’s parenting skills and dedication. Penelope squandered David’s online reputation. The radio host must have felt it was okay to say what he did about Jon Bon Jovi…I guess.

Bottom line…where’s the decency, where’s the respect…where  IS the bottom line? How would you feel to have your parenting skills questioned publicly, your online reputation ruined, or to hear that you ‘must be poisoning dolphins’?

Has media, radio, online, television, become a free zone? RESPECT FOR OTHERS stops at the door? Is the line drawn somewhere past what you think it should be?

Here’s the deal as far as I’m concerned.… shock value be damned. If you wouldn’t want it to be said about you then it is best not to say it about others. This isn’t the wild west, and while speech may be free, it can have its costs. Pretty simple really.

Leave me a comment. I love opinions. Even when they’re not the same as mine.

Click this Link…You won’t be sorry!

Susan Boyle - Britain’s Got Talent 

Does Britain ever have talent! What if she’d been too scared off by the assumptions to sing?
What the world would have missed. Let’s pay attention to the assumptions we make…be sure we’re not missing anything important.

I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did. Thanks to Debra LaQua for pointing this out!

Strange happenings abound this month, March…in like a lion, out like a lamb, I hope. A friend of many on linked in has died under seemingly strange circumstances, a friend of mine was swarmed by buffaloes on a gravel road, another friend caught a cheating husband.

Trust can feel ephemeral, something that grows until the next bad experience comes along. If you can’t trust life, you can’t trust driving on a gravel road, and you can’t trust your husband… where does that leave you?

It leaves you aware.

Pay attention to your gut instincts. When you see that glint on the road ahead that says something isn’t quite right, slow down, as my friend did.

I received an email today that described someone’s experience – and I use that word lightly – with accepting money orders over E-bay. The email had been forwarded several times. The person’s email address was still in the email, and so I emailed and asked: True or not true? Turns out the email had been forwarded several times with changes made to it, the intention and experience changed and thwarted by the passing of the voice.

Trust. It’s good for you. But don’t be afraid to check things out either.

Thalidomide, intended to reduce and eliminate morning sickness in pregnant women, was a tragedy medication for many families. The untested drug resulted in many children with disabilities being born. Many did not even survive.
 
But out of tragedy can come magic, as we all well know, and I had the opportunity to see that magic at work last week.

Alvin Law - not always politically correct, is a guy that knows that ultimately bullied kids have to stand up for themselves, that tough love is often the best love, and that we all have to make tough choices sometimes- came to speak to Melville. In particular to the staff and clients of Rail City Industries, a sheltered workshop for people with disabilities.

His message isn’t one of victimization and tragedy, no indeed. Not at all. His message is one of acceptance - accepting who you are and where you’re at, and one of fighting - knowing what you want and doing what you can to get it, and one of awareness – being aware of the great opportunities around you, noting them, talking about them, and most of all, being amazed by them.

Acceptance, fighting, awareness. Did he use these during the talk? Maybe not, I’m not even sure. But I know that this is his message as I understood it. And I was deeply touched and moved by listening to him.

Take the time to check out his story, and pick up a copy of his book. There is no doubt in my mind that you’ll be inspired and amazed…and that you’ll start looking a little more closely at your own life. There’s likely a lot there to be amazed about as well.

So…my friend read the blog post about waiting. But she doesn’t feel I have it quite right. I left out some parts it seems. Like the fact that we were packed into the waiting room like sardines in a can and had to move our feet everytime someone walked by. And when one lady walked by and apologized, I said…”No problem at all.” To which, my friend said, ” SHUT UP! That was my foot that she stepped on.”

Here’s her point of view. I hope you laugh as much as I did. A lot happened in those few hours. Yes, I’m PollyAnna. I read the book again, and I think she’s great! And though my friend describes herself as a complainer….she’s exaggerating - again.

THE APPOINTMENT 

 “Oh, here it is, Rose Street already” my friend PollyAnna says as she pulls in to the turning lane .

“Wow that did seem quick” I said

We turn right on to Rose Street and I can see the familiar brick building up ahead on the one way street. I have a 10 o’clock appointment with my gastro enterologist. It’s about 10 minutes to the hour, we’ve made good time on our drive to the city. Excellent driving conditions for February in Saskatchewan. As we pull on to the block of the Doctor’s office both sides of the street are crammed with cars. ” I’ll drive around the block again” PollyAnna says. We circle the block two more times with no luck , and decide to pull into the parking lot, I’m in no big rush to get inside as I know from previous experiences that I’ll be waiting for awhile before the doctor calls my name. But already, I’m preparing for my time spent with him. The questions I have written down to ask him are running through my head, I hope he’s in a good mood today, he can be so abrupt at times. He’s a very busy man. He is only in his office on Tuesdays for appointments and he always has alot of people to see. I’m sure one time there were 5 of us with an appointment at the same time. I’m known to exaggerate things, but if I am this time , honestly. it’s only by one person.

I approch the receptionist desk and state my name and time of appointment, she looks down at a paper infront of her and finds my name and then proceeds to look through a big stack of files looking for mine.

” Oh, I have your name here, but I don’t seem to have your file, maybe it’s over there for some reason. Just take a seat for now.”

I can feel my eyes rolling in my head. Why can’t things go smoothly for me when doctors are involved? Last time I was here , she couldn’t find my file and people with appointments 40 minutes later than mine were called ahead of me. And of course there was the time I showed up one year early for my colonoscopy. Not sure who to blame that one on, would like it to not be me. It’s been 25 seconds and already I’m irritated.

I walked towards where my friend was sitting and said” She can’t find my file again” with annoyance evident in my voice. A lady sitting a few chairs down, looked up at us with some curiosity. PollyAnna told me not to wait so long this time to find out if she had located my file. I pondered a few reasons as to why my file was never where it should be and thought perhaps I should suggest  that I could hold on to my file from now on and then it wouldn’t be misplaced. But there’s no sense getting all riled up already, lets just wait and see how things go.

PollyAnna is such a great friend, before long my annoyance has dissipated and we are giggling about something. The great giggling, the type where you know you are supposed to be quiet  and behaving well and that just makes everything that much funnier. My eyes are scanning the packed crowded room and directly across the room from me is a young man glaring right at me. The obvious irritation on his face is so unnerving that I divert my eyes immediately. Is he annoyed at us for giggling and having fun? We’re not being disruptive. Trying our best to laugh quietly, but I have noticed different people looking our way. I glance at him again out of the corner of my eye and decide it’s not us that he’s annoyed at , he’s just staring straight ahead. He must have brought someone to their appointment  and is tired of waiting for them.

After about 40 minutes I return to the receptionists desk

” Hi, just checking to see if you found my file” I ask trying my best to sound cheerful.

“Yep, I got it, you’re good to go” and she gives me a smile and a thumbs up.

Complaining is second nature to me, I do it well and I do it often.

” How can they be so behind so early in the morning” I ask after an hour has passed. “You know, I haven’t even seen him yet, I wonder if he’s even here.”

A lady sitting in front of us looks at me and sweetly says ‘It’s because they double book.”

I roll my eyes ” Yeah , well one time when I was here there were 5 of us with an appoinment at the same time” She got up out of her chair and walked away, oops maybe I was a little to nasty.

A lady next to PollyAnna kept saying ” Oh,this is so unusual, I’ve always have had such luck getting in right away,I  hope it’s not much longer , I need to get back to work.”

“Oh, look, there he is!” I say, sitting up straight and on the edge of my seat in anticipation. He looks a little tired and puffy to me. Did he just wake up I wonder. Or maybe he was at the hospital all night. ” I hope he’s in a good mood” I say to PollyAnna, “He looks a little cranky to me.” I’m a little nervous about some of the things I need to discuss with him today, and I’m hoping to get the most out of my allotted 15 minutes .

The doctor speaks to his receptionist briefly then takes a file off the top of the big stack and comes out from around the desk to the waiting area. I’m quite sure it is not my name he is going to call but I’m alert and waiting just in case. I lean over to my friend and say” Won’t be me, that file is too skinny. ” Sure enough , someone else is called. This same scenario happens a few more times, each time I act so excited to see him , on the edge of my seat , hoping he’ll call my name. We talk about how it’s almost like The Price is Right and how I would love to stand up, throw my arms in the air and whoop a big “Woo Hoo” when my name is called. We laugh about this and throw around several ideas of how the waiting room experience could be so much more enjoyable, games perhaps or entertainment of some kind,  PollyAnna wants a massuese. We’re giddy and I can feel the people around us looking at us  again.

It’s about at this point that suddenly we see an elderly woman stand up and emerge from the coat closet. ” I think I’ll sit in a chair out here, it’ll be more comfortable,” she says.

Pollyanna and I look at each other and giggle, trying so hard to compose ourselves.

” What the hell was that all about, was she really sitting in the closet? Is there even a chair in there?” We are trying very hard to be respectful as the lady takes a chair very near to us and begins a conversation with another lady.

“Oh my God” PollyAnna giggles “Look at that guy back there”

Without even looking I’m giggling already, “Can I look now, or will it be obvious?” I ask.

No, it’s good, look at him.”

I turn my head towards the back of the waiting room and see the same irritated fellow from earlier.He has moved to a different chair.  He is sitting at the edge of his seat , gripping the two chairs directly in front of him with pure annoyance on his face. You can almost see the steam billowing out of his ears.

I immediately look away and start giggling uncontrollably. Oh my, that poor fellow is ready to snap. He needs to relax.

I’m laughing, but only because I can relate to his agitation. An appointment with your specialist can be very trying.

You sometimes wait for many months for your appointment, all the while, medical concerns running through your head, the what if’s and the possibilities creeping in and out of your thoughts. Then the day finally arrives , and you are ready, your list of questions and concerns in hand, and then you wait, and wait and wait somemore, until the most important thing is not getting to speak to your doctor but getting the hell out this crowded waiting room.I was almost at that point now.

We wondered about the reservations of one patient.

The lady Doctor came to the waiting room and called out a name.

A man answered ” That’s me” , but yet he remained seated.

She smiled at him and asked ” Would you like to come with me, please.”

He shook his head ” No.” 

He laughed, she laughed, and a handful of others laughed along as he got up and followed her.

We saw the lady doctor a little while later with a latex glove on her hand, ” Well ,there you go,” I said “That’s why he didn’t want to go with her.”

Everything was funny by now.

By this time the young irritated man had positioned himself in the first chair of the first row of seats. Annoyance eminating from him. I found it so comical.

Look at him, I said to Polly Anna ” As soon as his doctor comes out, he’s gonna grab him and tell “I’M NEXT.”  That poor guy, we should call him over to sit with us, he’d be having more fun” Moments later his doctor came and called his name.

We made small talk with the people around us, slipped out for a smoke, plugged the meter a few times, ran out of change, wondered if we would get a parking ticket, I kept thinking , how much longer can it possibly be.

My doctor came, by this time I was only half paying attention, given up on ever being called, when he said my name. ” Oh ! That’s me!” I started clapping, “Yay!”

I quickly gathered up my purse and followed him to his office. It wasn’t the big Price is Right whoop I would love to give, but the best that an introvert like myself can do.

The doctor gave me a smile and a Good Morning when I got to his office.

Oh good, I thought he’s in a good mood. My silliness has made him happy.

It’s going to be a great appointment.

We wait in all kinds of ways, in every kind of place. We wait on hold on the phone. We wait for buses. We wait in lines. We wait at appointments.

I took my friend to a doctor’s appointment last week. We waited three hours. Okay. It wasn’t three hours, it was only an hour and a half. But clearly, to many people there, the wait felt interminably long. My friend and I met some new friends.

One great fun woman asked if the chair next to us was taken. “No!” I said, “Of course not! We’ve been saving it for you!” Obviously kind, our new friend made some small talk with a lady that didn’t seem very happy that her family had come to visit her. “All my brothers and sisters came to visit me. And the plane was late.”   Said so dryly, with a roll of her eyes and a flip of her hand that it pitched me into a fit of giggles. I’d just recently watched this clip:

http://barefootmeg.multiply.com/video/item/56

I had to leave for a moment. Collect myself, wait outside

“Look at that guy,” I whispered to my friend, “He’s going to explode.” He was sitting on the edge of his seat, leaning over the two chairs in front of him. He did not look happy, and was taking up more than his fair share of space in the room. He moved soon after, to the front of the room. “He’s sitting there because he’s going to grab a doctor as soon as he sees one. Right by the knees.” My friend said. And another round of laughing.

I complimented a lady on her glasses, purple and trendy and looking great with her hair, and I complimented another lady on her coat. Long, leather, laced up the back and incredibly classy. I met a carpenter and his wife, who owns a restaurant and works long hours. I noticed how very lovingly he looked at her. Then she left and came back with coffee and a muffin for him. I noticed another woman glaring at his food. Probably someone not allowed to eat that day! I had a conversation about the health care system in Canada and the documentary movie “Sicko.” I handed out a couple of business cards.  I hope those folks will get in touch after they read this!

Whenever I wait, I meet people. I talk, I hear stories and absorb them, I laugh, to myself and with others. Waiting doesn’t have to be a waste of time. If you’re reading this, leave me a comment…. and tell me a good waiting story if you’ve got one.

Click here to see my friend’s follow up!